Should We Just Elope?

Every Engaged Couple Wonders...

...if they should skip the stress and pressure of a big wedding and just elope to the courthouse. "Should we just elope?" It's a question I hear often. While there are definite perks to skipping the traditional wedding, there are also trade-offs to consider before letting go of your big wedding dreams.

PRO: Small Weddings Are MUCH Cheaper

Whether it's just your family or a small group, fewer people usually means less money spent. Couples on a budget who dream of including everyone shouldn't worry—there are ways to make it work. Many couples with tight budgets rely on their community to pitch in with potlucks or crowdsource the things they need. But, if the costs will mostly fall on you, considering a smaller guest list is understandable.

CON: Excluding Key Family Members

For couples with large, close families, it can be tough to leave anyone out. The reality is, every wedding has to make choices about the guest list. If you're leaning toward a smaller wedding, try making a few versions of your guest list to make sure the most important people are included. If you’re getting married in a remote location like Half Dome or Big Sur, a second reception for family members could be a good way to include everyone.

PRO: Way Less Stress to Plan

While any wedding will come with some emotional weight, smaller weddings are generally simpler to plan. For example, a ceremony with just 10 people might take place in a forest—no chairs, no microphones, no complicated logistics. Receptions can be as simple as covering the cost of a nice dinner. Smaller groups don't need transportation, extra bathrooms, or as much staff for food and drinks. Many venues can easily accommodate groups of up to 20 people.

CON: Less Fanfare

A wedding is an important rite of passage. It's a community event for most people, and one of the best moments at a wedding is when the couple enters the reception after the ceremony. The energy in the room when 100+ people cheer them on is something special. If you have a smaller wedding or elopement, you might miss out on that outpouring of support from a big crowd. Some couples get around this by having a larger reception after the wedding.

PRO: Small Weddings Can Be Beautifully Unique

Here’s a secret: the most Pinterest-worthy wedding ideas often work best for smaller parties. Think unique seating arrangements, vintage plates, or personalized décor. It’s easier to pull off those unique elements when you’re not trying to plan for hundreds of people. A smaller guest list means you can focus on details that make your day feel extra special.

CON: Smaller Groups Might Be Less Fun

I’m a big party person, so take this with a grain of salt. I once planned an elopement for a shy couple at Carmel Valley Ranch. The day was beautiful but quieter than expected. Even though they had a private ceremony, their small, shy guest list made the reception feel a little subdued. Sometimes, having a larger group of friends and family can bring a fun energy to the event.

PRO: Special Time With Family

If your family isn't the life of the party, you’ll still have beautiful moments together. A smaller wedding allows you to focus on your family’s unique traditions. Whether you want to spend the morning together or tailor the event to your family’s interests, there’s no pressure to please a larger crowd. Couples with unique families often love the freedom to design a day that works for everyone, including kids and pets.

CON: Guests May Not Attend a Reception Without a Ceremony

This depends on your community, but often, a post-wedding reception is seen more as a party than part of the wedding. If you have a private ceremony and then hold a reception weeks or months later, your attendance will likely drop, especially if it requires travel. On the other hand, if you have a small ceremony and reception on the same day or close together, attendance is usually better.

Final Thoughts:

Despite some pushback, every couple has the right to weigh the pros and cons of a smaller wedding. The term "elopement" has evolved, especially post-COVID, to mean a more private and relaxed event, not necessarily running off to Vegas. For some couples, a large wedding just doesn’t align with their values, style, or family dynamics. The cost savings alone can make a smaller wedding appealing.

But you can't just elope to save money. By that logic, not getting married at all would be the cheapest option. Couples who thrive in a smaller wedding setting are the ones who find excitement in the factors that make their day unique. Whether it’s the cost savings, a special experience with family, or the chance to marry in a location they love, couples who embrace their vision tend to do well in planning.

So, take some time to explore your options, break down the guest list, and see if a smaller wedding works for you. Best of luck!